At a very early age I discovered people were more interested in themselves then in the other person. Observation is what led me to this very obvious conclusion. As a result, I determined, at a very early age, to focus on listening. Actually I think I’ve honed this ability quite well over then years.
Whether you realize it or not, listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. And by ‘listening’ I don’t mean: half way through what they are saying you are composing your response or responding with a…”I know exactly what you mean because when I was in the same situation”. First: you can empathize but you are never in the exact same situation.
When talking with another person you really have to have your priorities straight – is your primary reason in talking with them to tell your story or to listen to the other person’s story. That determination makes all the difference in what will transpire in the conversation. I would also contend that in every situation that you determine to have the other person the focus of the conversation that you learn something new about yourself.
Listening is an art. But it also takes a great deal of concentration. You actually have to understand what the other person is attempting to convey and sometimes that takes the form of helping them to know what it is they are saying. No greater tool is available for this than asking questions. Questions let the other person know you really are listening to them. They also help to refine thinking and sometimes rethink thinking.
In your listening, never assume. Never assume they actually do know what they are saying which is another reason to ask questions. Never assume the words they use hold the same definitions as what you may think – ask them to ‘define’ words. And never take offense at what’s said. It may not be meant in the way you think… then again, if it is – if you take offense you can never help the other person rethink their thinking.
