Confidence is not arrogance. And confidence is not superiority. Confidence is a deep seated knowledge about who one is and the depth of conviction about what is being discussed. You do need both existing for confidence to display itself otherwise one can be interpreted as arrogant.
One test as to whether you are confident or arrogant is how you respond to views opposite to your own, even deeply held beliefs. If you react violently (not physical) to an opposition then you need to ask yourself why. Are you ‘defending’ your position? Especially in areas that you feel strongly about you need to be able to listen to the opposing view. Why? Because this helps you refine or solidify your belief.
Attacking an opposing view before it’s been stated is the typical reaction. We’ve all witnessed that behavior innumerable times. IF, and duly note the word, IF my intent is to influence someone else of my position then yelling or cutting them off will never work. No one can listen to another’s view if they don’t feel that they’ve been heard.
If I believe in the validity of my position then an opposing view is not threatening. It’s a time for… “Come, let us reason together…” And if the other person’s approach is to cut you off or yelling, you don’t have to respond in kind. Once there is a moment of silence you can ask them if they really want to discuss this or not. If they are in the ‘or not’ category then there is nothing you can do to provide an opposing view.
Always ask yourself the question – what is the purpose in this. If it’s only to exercise your lung power then it’s an issue of who can shout the loudest. If it’s to listen to another’s message and provide your own then it’s your responsibility to provide the climate in which this can occur. Actually the question really is…. are you confident?
