We all get angry, period. The difference lies in how we handle it. There are basically two ways: inward, which is extremely self-destructive and outward, which can also be self-destructive but can be resolved more quickly (apology). When anger is coped with internally the resultant behavior is typically passive aggressive in order to get what you want. When it is external, it typically results in very loud shouting in order to get what you want. Neither is effective.
When I was a child I had bright red hair and someone told me that this meant I had a quick temper. And I did – flash point. My lashing out was verbal as physical violence was never tolerated in my home. My quick temper was checked one day when my Mom said that the moment anyone lost their temper they would inevitably lose the argument. To me, the value of winning the argument was far more persuasive. At least this became the motivator to dampening my temper outbursts.
Anger can be motivating – potentially positive – or destructive – typically throwing the baby out with the bathwater. When anger is directed creatively to resolving an issue, it can sometimes be a force to bring a new perspective. The key in this is that it can’t be personal – directed either at oneself or others. Personally directed anger is rarely productive. And we all know what happens when the anger is destructive- no one really ‘wins’ – and the positive attributes get trashed in the process.
Sometimes the main problem of losing one’s temper is enlightened by a self analysis of what triggers our anger. There are the ‘thems’ out there that know how to cause us to lose our self control. We should know as well. If others can ‘use’ our anger…. why can’t we?
