Where does your validation of your worth come from? Does it have to come from outside of yourself and if so, who is the other person (people) that validates you? And, most important, what is it you have to do to earn and keep that validation? Perhaps the question should be – do you need outside validation?
To me, the important question is the last one. Do you really need validation of who you are? And if so, why? How important is outside validation? It’s easy to say that you don’t need others’ validation of you but far more difficult to act on that. Outside validation gives us feedback on who it is we are presenting to the world. If that is the basis of our desire for outside validation then it is less intrusive than if we attempt to design ourselves to meet others’ perceptions and expectations. You need to know what your need is.
Equally important are the twin issues of : do you have to earn your validation, and how do you maintain it? Two different questions but related. Why do you need to ‘earn’ validation? I understand the need to earn trust but trust is an entirely different issue. Somehow ‘earn’ carries with it others’ determination on who and what you are.
To maintain this will necessitate a great deal of effort on your part. Perhaps the related questions are: Is your validation under attack? Or do you sense it being threatened? When validation comes from outside of yourself, the questions keep stacking up.
A word of caution. IF your validation comes primarily from other people’s opinion of who you are, then this can be fleeting. More important… you must be who you are. If you attempt to portray someone you aren’t then you’ll end up miserable because of the ‘role’ you’ve given yourself to play in the stage adaptation of, “You”.
