Tell me, how do you feel? Happy? Sad? Joyous? Bored? And these are only 4 of the endless choices of feelings. That’s my point – choice. We do choose how we feel and then we act on it. If that sounded critical, I didn’t mean to appear judgmental – it was a statement of fact. Consciously or unconsciously we always act out our feelings. This is not a right/wrong issue it’s a given.
If you are about to take issue with my contention that we choose how we feel, take a moment and dispassionately consider the evidence. We are all bombarded with countless feelings every day as a reaction to people and issues. We can accept these feelings and make them ours, at least for a moment in time, or we can reject them. But, it typically is our choice. It can be argued that we can’t determine, in advance, our feelings but we can choose how our feelings are expressed.
Whatever feeling emerges… deal with it. And then move on. Our face is a give away to our feelings. And unless the words attempt to deny the feeling, most of the time people listen to the words but focus on how we look. It is not only OK but preferable that there is congruence between words and feelings. I handle a “I’d prefer not to discuss it.” better than to a “fine.”, especially when it is obvious that you aren’t.
I would never suggest that you ignore your feelings – that’s a recipe for disaster because feelings insist on seeping out the corners. They will have their say. But, they don’t have to control. Express themselves, certainly, but continue to dictate – not necessarily. You determine who controls you – your feelings or you.
