How many times do we hear this phrase… or utter it ourselves? Most of the time it is uttered with a kind of ‘oh woe’s me’ sigh. It often is the rationale (excuse) we give/hear as to why something did or did not happen. The phrase reminds me of the poem … for want of a nail… if only. ‘If only’ provides the comment that we can utter and simply let the phrase trickle off without really saying anything further. I might argue that ‘if only’ is the opposite side of the coin from ‘what if’; the latter is positive and the former… not so much.
If only… what? Why did ‘if only’ occur should be our first question. Did we not sufficiently analyze the situation to prepare? Where was our own motivation in this situation? If only seems to indicate a lack of commitment in the first place. That we really didn’t expect success. Did we expect, for example – failure, so we didn’t exert much effort? Maybe the situation was doomed from the start but without doing what we could, did we only hasten its demise?
Though I’ve used the phrase, down deep I believe it is a cop out. I don’t mind providing answers or explanations but I really hate to wimp out and only give an excuse, extremely lame. So why do we say it? Probably because we really don’t have an ‘acceptable’ reason to offer. Unfortunately, often the response to our words is – “So, what are you going to do next?” And now we are back to the first question.
It would seem that the best course of action would be to eliminate this phrase from our conversational repertoire. If we are truly honest with ourselves we failed to adequately plan. We did not do those things necessary to secure success. If we didn’t succeed but had done all we knew how to do then our words and actions would be to discover what and why and we would be responding with facts. As it is… we limped into the situation thus leaving ourselves with… if only.
