Alone is a difficult state to be in but being lonely is even worse. Both alone and lonely can occur whether in a crowd or simply by yourself. But I think it’s the depth of lonely that is the worse of the 2 states. Lonely is such an isolated place. I’m not sure you find it or it finds you. Regardless, you find yourself cut off from any intimacy, any meaningful relationship. And, the awareness of this can lead you into a sadness that is so deep that it is difficult to breach.
The way out of the isolation of lonely differs with each person. However, I would suggest that the basic problem in any case is the issue of sharing. It is my belief that we all want to share ourselves with significant others – it’s just that we want to determine what and how much we share. It’s difficult to be in a situation in which you see sharing occurring between others and realize that you don’t have that kind of relationship with anyone.
Sharing is risky. Sharing can make you feel extremely vulnerable. And, if your trust in the past has been betrayed then the fear factor increases astronomically. The problem is that there is no other way out of lonely – at some point, with someone, you have to reach out and share again… otherwise you consign yourself to the state you are in. The ‘good news’ is that you can start small in the sharing dynamic and progress as your confidence grows.
Sharing is really wonderful and comes with a number of other positive ‘features’. When you share with someone else, they can be your sounding board and you can work out any problems in your thinking/planning in advance. When you give the other person permission to speak into your life you can discover a great deal about yourself – who and how you present yourself to others. These are only two of the more obvious benefits to sharing. Sharing is an act that you determine when and how you proceed. But is really does make a difference.
