We all tend to like to give advice and we all tend to not act on the advice others give us. Yes? Yes. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that we are asked for our thinking or the feeling we get when we give the advice that is the greatest pleasure. If I sound slightly skeptical… I am. I know that pontificating is not how we should present our thinking, but often that’s how it appears. And you have to admit – you sometimes give advice even if it isn’t sought or wanted.
Advice is always an, “… if I were in your shoes…” but it isn’t. You aren’t. Remember that you have limited information on which to provide advice – you don’t always know those that would be affected by your advice. My suggestion (advice) is to first ask a question. Most advice giving situations are prefaced by the other person’s question of what would you do in their position. So… don’t assume, ask them how they would describe their ‘position’. Unless you have a understanding of what the issue is and what their need is – advice is really rarely effective.
Perhaps one of the more important aspects of giving advice is remembering our own reactions when we receive the advice. ‘How’ we provide the advice given is critical… if we think we have the ‘right’ (our definition of ‘only’?) answer to their situation, maybe, maybe not. You aren’t always ‘right’ in your advice giving but you aren’t always wrong either. The crucial point is remembering that it isn’t your decision to act on your advice – it’s theirs. And if the decision isn’t theirs then there’s no ownership and no responsibility.
Advice should always be given with an awareness that it is your way of thinking and acting which may not necessarily be the other person’s MO. You give advice with an open hand because you can only offer your thinking. If you cause the other person to rethink then you really have accomplished the highest form of advice-giving. It IS their decision.
… but, what do you think?
