What do you do when someone, especially family or close friends, is doing something you feel is totally, utterly wrong? How do you react? Judgmental? Condemning? Or… willing to listen? Besides, how did you and your opinion get to be in charge??? What makes you the authority? OK… a bit harsh, admittedly but you do see the problems, don’t you? And the supreme problem is – that it’s NOT your decision!
We all find ourselves in this conundrum (my ‘right’ opinion and your ‘incorrect’ decision) at times and our behavior determines whether or not our point is even heard. You do realize that being right is not necessarily sufficient. You do not walk in another’s shoes so when you don’t take the time to first listen to what they say is their ‘problem’ then why would they listen to you? Ask questions – find out what but also why they believe as they do. No one can ever listen to advice until they first have spoken and gotten the emotion out.
If you truly believe that your decision is the right one and their decision is catastrophic – then the important issue is to be able to present your decision so it’s heard. The goal – communication. It’s possible that you are right and they are about to make a ‘bad’ decision, but did you ever think that you could be wrong… too? Rarely is there only one answer to an issue – perhaps there’s an even better answer. And that’s the mindset you should have when offering your opinion. Try too not use emotion laden words when presented your thinking. Most people only feel like they are being manipulated in making your decision.
A quick aside to the decision-maker: if you are providing your intentions as information – that’s one thing. However, if you invite discussion and/or utter the words… ‘but what do you think?’ you have just given license to the other person to do precisely that. Don’t be angry with them if their opinion is not yours – if you really are confident in your decision then their opinion is just that – opinion. It can flavor your subsequent action but regardless of how they offer it – it is only one more piece of input.
…but, what do you think?
