Advice giving or seeking is really a tricky issue. I really hate asking for advice because if I do then I must be open to the possibility of an opinion opposite to what I think. In asking for advice one really isn’t asking for approval or acceptance, nor for agreement, though it may be partially the case. I know that many times I’m seeking a different option, a different perspective. It’s all the attendant issues that rise when you ask for advice that are bothersome – mostly of an emotional nature.
The problem is that many (most?) times the person providing the advice thinks that you plan on following whatever their thinking is. Not a suggestion. An ‘is’. And if you don’t then you have to deal with their feelings. I’ve searched for a simply way of asking without asking. Because I’m also of the belief that scripture is accurate (Proverbs 11:14) when it talks about wisdom comes from seeking other’s opinions. The obvious problem is that people tend to equate asking their opinion as you then need to follow their dictums.
Quite honestly, I think I’ve finally gotten to the point that if I’m asked (and I really do try to not provide unsolicited input or feedback) I couch my reply in making certain that the ask-er knows first my frame of reference. I also try and give more than one option and indicate some of the ramifications from acting on the option(s). Besides, there rarely is only one ‘good’ answer to an issue. If there weren’t then everyone would have the same opinion and thus there would be no need to ask another’s advice.
I’m sorry to say but there really is no advice that doesn’t come with the adviser’s vested interest – even if that vested interest is only their emotion. Perhaps the answer to this quandary is in how you respond to the adviser’s comments. Never, as in ever, give them the impression that you intend to follow their ‘advice’ unless you plan on doing so. Basically what you need to do is to thank them for their opinion, tell them that you are also seeking other people’s input without telling them who, and let them know when you tentatively plan on making your decision. That really is all you’re obligated to do.
… but, what do you think?
