Are you a people pleaser? Before you put on your highly insulted face, think about it. And before we go further…what’s wrong with being a people pleaser?! I think I would argue that we all are people pleasers to some degree or other. It’s really a continuum from the sickeningly sweet types to the stoic don’t let anyone know types. If you noticed… both ends of the continuum are false, are the types to avoid at all cost.
Definition is important at this point. We can go from the elaborate all inclusive definition to the more operational one – I choose the latter. If my definition provokes a new thinking about people pleasing – fine. People pleasing is not unthinkingly doing what others want… regardless. Yes, it attempts to accommodate others but not at the expense of one’s own beliefs and standards. Another aspect of people pleasers is the ability and willingness to listen to what another person wants or needs before reacting.
Sometimes it isn’t you who needs to fulfill their need/want but you are a source pointing them toward their resolution. The feeling of being rejected by others if you don’t comply is not a motivator in this definition. While feelings are important they aren’t the sole reason to act or not. Another generalized point about people pleasing relate to passive aggressive behaving people. They are not people pleasers, they are people manipulators in the guise of being pleasers.
Being a people pleaser must be a positive for you or you will find yourself compromised. Being a ‘people pleaser’ is neither good or bad. It is part of the definition of who you are, actually who most people are. People pleasing comes in all forms of people interaction and in varying degrees of behavior. For those of you who know you are people pleasers, you need to know your ‘type’ and if it is a true representation of who you are. That really is the only question.
…but, what do you think?
