Are you facing an empty chair during holiday times? For many it may not be the first holiday but it still feels as if it is. Regardless… are you flooded with memories that make you smile, or ones that make you sad? The more recent the empty chair the more difficult it can be and when it’s the first holiday that you are facing the loss, it’s all the more difficult. So how do you handle an empty chair?
I know that people tell you, as politely as they can, to ‘get over it and move on’. I’m sure that they are saying this with some level of compassion but it typically only hurts rather than helps. Unless they have experienced a loss they really can’t completely appreciate what you feel. And when the memories are positive, are ‘joyful’ then moving on is even more difficult. But don’t let these feelings control you – I know, easier said than done.
This is especially true when some of the activities were shared ones, you can’t help but miss the one who was by your side. If, however, you can stop long enough to consider what that person would think of how you are handling the loss, you might react with a different motivation. Example: my mother was a terrific decorator and would always involved us in the festivity. It was always a time of laughter. She would be totally disappointed in me if I didn’t carry on the tradition and also the laughter. My approach doesn’t diminish the loss but it does skew the feelings.
Each one of us has to face our own empty chairs and ‘move on’ as best we can. For me, a positive way to face it is remembering. Counter intuitive? No. Actually meeting it face on. To no longer be involved in the (fill in the blank) would deny the joy of the memory. Embracing it carries with it a kind of healing that is far more pervasive and affirming.
…but what do you think?
