Do you hold grudges? I thought that I didn’t until an incident occurred and I had to reexamine exactly what I did, not just believe, but did. I think I always believed in forgiveness because I tended to find myself in need of it quite often. But what about you? Are you needing to seek forgiveness for something you did or didn’t do but you don’t know how to go about it? Actually it’s quite simple – you go to the person you injured and you say – I apologize, please forgive me. At that point ‘the ball is in their court’ but you have done what you need to do. Yes? But if your behavior doesn’t demonstrate a change then have you really repented or simply gone through the motions?
But what about when you need to forgive someone? Whether or not they ask for your forgiveness, are you quick to grant it and then offer the grace not to hold it against them? No retribution? No quid pro quo? No grudge? And there my friend is the rub. My question is – if you have forgiven someone can you hold a grudge? Yes I know we do but do we have ‘the right’ to? I’m afraid we don’t. We need to be able to walk in forgiveness toward those we believe have wronged us. While we may not move quickly into trust toward them, we do need to display behavior that doesn’t punish. And as much as we may not want to admit it…. a grudge is punishment. Question: who is punished?
Let me ask you a different question… if you are a grudge-holder, what are the benefits? What do you get from holding a grudge? And is the grudge recipient even aware that you hold a grudge? Listen to the words commonly associated with ‘grudge’ – carry, hold. Both of those words imply that you end up using energy in order to accomplish this. Thus, you hostage yourself to your grudge(s). So….. why hold a grudge? Isn’t that just extra baggage you have to carry? And if the other person really was sorry, by holding the grudge do you cut off your nose to spite your face by not associating with them?
A grudge does impact your journey… it will affect your thinking and thus your behavior. It can be quite insidious. BUT, you can choose to reject grudges and yes I know that’s far more difficult to achieve. I think my behavior was to simply not place myself in a position to be in contact with the grudgee. But in this I may also have denied myself a blessing. Yet, I did not perceive myself as holding a grudge but ignoring is not walking in forgiveness and that is the goal. As Christians we have no alternative except to forgive, whether or not the person requests it, but it is our decision to walk with grudge(s). I found myself amazed at the freedom I felt when I did release the grudge. Freedom is worth the price… bondage – I don’t think so.
