‘Wrong’ may be a bit strong, but ‘not completely right’ seemed to beg the statement. This refers to a stand I had previously made. A couple of years ago I had written that we, as Christians, have no option but to forgive if we want to live forgiven. That’s true, my ‘error’ was that I went on to say that even though we had to forgive, we didn’t need to forget. Wrong! I’ve discovered that unless we choose to forget as well, we are encumbered by a great deal of baggage.
My reassessment came when I was talking with someone about grudges (I eventually wrote about this topic). While I maintained that I didn’t believe I held grudges…. I think I did. I’m not sure I put all the pieces together until a kind of ‘of course’ merged into my consciousness. My reassessment led me to the belief that grudges really are excess baggage and quite heavy. But it also says a great deal more than simply holding on to what was. It truly is a version of cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face. Unless and until we do forget we are handcuffed into yesterday.
The truly sad realization is that whoever you have held in ‘bondage’ is really… yourself. People grow and change – you do, so don’t you think it might be possible that others do as well? Of course. And if the offending party knows you’ve forgiven them, then they aren’t operating on a basis of then. But you are. Not forgetting is locking the situation into a time and place that no longer exists. At the same time, forgetting doesn’t mean that you need to quickly trust at the level you once did. Let it grow. If the other person proves that they really aren’t worth the grace you extended then you can let it go.
Forgetting does allow for a ‘letting go’ and it also allows for a ‘moving on’. Grudges never allow you to move on. Forgiving IS the first step but you need to take the second step and forget what happened and grant grace to the situation. Besides, as fallible creatures, our understanding of the then may not be the entire reality. The plus in this is that you may be able to redeem the relationship. If not, you still aren’t carrying the baggage of not forgetting. And that… is freedom!
