The subtitle could read: how to build a relationship in two easy steps. Not daunting. Building a relationship truly is not rocket science, but it isn’t casual either. So my title may be somewhat misleading. EVERY relationship needs time, interest in the other person, allowing the other person to make mistakes but not condemning them to staying the same, and equally important – sharing your self. And those are only some of the contexts necessary to building a lasting and deep relationship. If you want only a superficial, no responsibility acquaint-ship basis then this is precisely what you will have. However, if you want a more meaningful relationship then it will begin with – Time
Do you remember what you did when you were developing your relationship with your spouse – what was the single most important factor? Time. That was how you began – you spent time with them. And in a variety of settings. This is true when you are developing a friendship with someone else as well. Time is always your friend and can never be rushed. You will discover the other person and yourself in this particular relationship when you allow time to flavor how and what you learn. And yes, there will be misunderstandings, mistakes, mis-steps, surprises, and growth. If your relationship isn’t one of growth then it is one of stagnation and will atrophy at some point. Each meeting provides you with more understanding and appreciation of the other person and the relationship.
The second factor/condition is focus. Your focus, in these situations, was (should have been/needed to be) more on discovering who the other person was/is. However, you can’t put this in stone. Each of us changes, even if it is only minuscule-ly, each day with each interaction. This always enhances the delight of discovery. You too change each day and your new discoveries. My point is that you need to be focused, not tensely but intently, on discovering the other person – allowing them to express who they are at that moment but also allowing them to grow. And in this context, talking with them about yourself and how all this expands and influences the relationship.
Simplistic? Perhaps but it also is one standard to consider when you enter any new relationship. I would also suggest that this is also the foundation on which you build your relationship with the Lord. If you continually force the Lord to ‘be out there’ rather than building a relationship with Him in your world – then you severely limited yourself and don’t discover who the Lord is in your life. If He wasn’t interested in relationship then one of the gifts of salvation wouldn’t be righteousness (2Corinthians 5:17-22). It is impossible for a relationship with the Lord to exist apart from righteousness (2Corinthians 6:14). I believe that we don’t have righteousness apart from being born again and being a new creation. But with our new status we can develop a meaningful, intimate relationship with the Lord. It still takes time and focus – our decision.
