The ‘evidence’ suggests that we all are quick to defend ourselves… whether or not we need to. If we ‘sense’ that a slight or ‘attack’ on our character or any other aspects of our self, then we leap into the breach with a defense of self. And what does this avail us? Sadly, more misunderstanding. Should we have initially responded with an apology? a question about why the other person said/did (fill in the blank)? Have we assessed the ’cause’? Or have we only reacted?
I really should know better, but I still tend to adopt the latter approach. It never ‘works’… it only muddies. I suspect the ‘problem’ begins at the start of the exchange and it is my assumption (?), presumption (?), definition or assessment of the moment that causes my ‘self defense’. Also, at the crux could be that I really shouldn’t have said/done what I did and now I’m slightly embarrassed. If this describes you too then we all have hope. It’s called a paradigm shift in our mindset.
Are we truly interested in communication or were we simply either misreading the situation without a thorough ‘examination’, or were we simply babbling. And while I really dislike the tag of babble, this can be the culprit – especially if we are teasing or attempting to be amusing. Point is – how we react and whether or not we are willing to reconcile and accept our part in the misunderstanding. Rarely is this one-sided, it always takes two. And yes… scripture does speak to this ‘problem’:
“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a
word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment,
so that it will give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt,
so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”
(Colossians 4:6)
“Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech,
conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those
who believe.” (1Timothy 3:12)
“Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, anything more that this
comes from evil.” (Matthew 5:37)
Those are only a few of the scriptures that speak to this issue. However, the one scripture that I need to remember more often is:
“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every
careless word they speak.” (Matthew 12:36)
For me, that puts a period on all discussion. We can offer an apology, attempt to reconcile, or offer clarification… what was our original intent – communication? But if the action was frivolous then there really is no self-defense.
