Does ‘deserved’ have anything to do with forgiveness? Really? Do you demand that the person you are forgiving deserve this? Can you put that shoe on your foot as well? Not certain how ‘deserved’ became associated with forgiveness because they not related.
Forgiveness is the most unconditional gift given or received. In my world of definitions, it really has to be viewed as a gift because it doesn’t need to be extended by the one offering it. Granted, we can always choose not to see the forgiveness that is extended for a multitude of reasons, but we also can’t force someone to grant us this gift.
I suspect that some (most?) of the time, the other person extends this gift after we have come to them to apologize and seek to restore the relationship. Withholding our apology really harms any relationship… sometimes irreparably. Is this what we want? Are we only compounding the problem when we don’t apologize? Probably. And how about our own attitude when we have been the ‘wronged’ person? Do we try and get even, is revenge our motivation? Will we be willing to accept their apology when they extend it. And the big question: will we forgive them even if they don’t apologize?
‘Deserved’ is really not the mindset we need to cultivate. There are countless books, articles, 5 steps to…, etc. related to forgiveness. But to combined these two words…, let me remind you of just 2 verses in scripture:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a
grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
(Colossians 3:13)
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive
others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
(Matthew 6:14-15)
This final scripture puts the period on the subject. We have been forgiven, which means that our brothers and sisters in the Lord also have been forgiven… can we do less?
Forgiveness – extended gift and reception – form a solid foundation to growth in relationships. But it has another benefit in that we no longer need to carry that baggage! We can live forgiven – BOTH the one needing forgiveness and the one extending it. This does not mean license to do whatever we want. Then again, it may only be my definition (but I doubt it), because asking for forgiveness means that we are aware of what we did and repent of that with the intent to not repeat. Why say you are sorry if you really have no intention of changing.?
Deserved is not part of the definition of forgiving. We all have the choice to forgive or withhold forgiveness. But in withholding we continue to bear the burden of (fill in the blank). Why? Because the other person doesn’t ask for forgiveness? Or… Point being that their action or lack shouldn’t determine ours. Additionally, do you really want ‘deserved’ to be hung over your need for forgiveness? And speaking of forgiveness……. do you accept yours?
