about (fill in the blank) and how do we handle this? There are times and situations when we truly can’t do anything about (fill in the blank). I do believe that this can be times of understanding individual responsibility. We can’t assume the decisions for others – only they can (no matter how accurate and/or wise our advice is). We can suggest and/or advise – we can’t do the other’s doing.
If you are of the ‘fix-er’ personality, this is extremely difficult to do. Knowing, at least from your own frame of reference, experience, and understanding, what (you believe) can and should be done… but unable to do anything about it. But, how would YOU react if you were the person being told what to do? Would you graciously accept it? Ignore? Get into an argument? There are always a vast number of possible reactions. I think one of the problems is our confidence in ourselves. There is a very thin line between bravado and actual confidence. Inviting in others’ ideas and suggestions is one thing but being in the position of having to accept them is entirely different.
There is always the issue of ownership. Is the decision really ours? Do we stand behind what we believe? If we are forced into accepting another’s decision, and the operative word is ‘forced’, do we whole heartedly accept and act on this decision since we seem to have no other alternative? And now look at how others might feel in a similar situation when you are exerting your decision. Are you really surprised at the reaction? The caveat in this is always in the expression. HOW we offer our ‘fix’ is crucial to how it is received. IF you have presented your opinion and the foundation that stands on, unless you are the decision maker… that’s the end of the discussion. Those intimately connect to or involved in the situation need to be able to make and own the ultimate decision.
Sometimes we are surprised at the results – success when we were positive failure would be spelled in capital letters with neon lights. Sometimes they do fail. Now is not the time to say ‘I told you so’… actually, there’s never a good time to say that. But you can assist in the cleanup and helping others to accept what happened and move on. Sometimes… you are more effective when you remain close and able to assist genuinely. Sometimes, though you can’t do anything at the moment… the future may bring you back. This is another never say never.
