Listening involves all of us. Attentive would be the word to describe ‘how’ we should listen. ‘Attentive’, in my world of definitions means: a listening heart – the what and how of the communication, eyes that watch the verbal and non verbal expressions, ears attuned to the words used and their definitions, and especially a closed mouth until the other person has finished. There’s an old saying that talks about we have 2 ears and eyes and only 1 mouth. I believe it’s an attempt to attune us to the need of using our 2’s before we use our 1.
I’ve always believed that no one will be able to hear what you are saying until they’ve had the opportunity to say what they need to say. Once they have, then it is critical to make certain you are defining words the same. Again, use questions to make certain you hear what is being said. Questions also have the ability to confirm to the speaker that you were listening.
There are so many facets to listening. Body language, not very difficult to read, is an ally in providing other kinds of understandings – is it timid, is it abrasive, is it bravado – all are easily discernible. The tone used by the speaker can aid in discovering their passion about what they are saying. Eye contact is a different piece of information about the level of the speaker’s commitment to what is said. But the point in all this is that the first few words out of your mouth tells the speaker if you do understand, if you listen and are involved with what is said. This will go miles in terms of their reaction to your reaction. Another huge clue is your body language to what they are saying when they are saying it. The speaker is rarely clueless regarding how their words are understood and accepted.
Scripture says this about our listening, and never be lulled into thinking that listening is passive:
“Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and],…” (James 1:19, AMP)
” …blessed (happy, favored by God) are those who hear the word of God and continually observe it.” (Luke 11:28, AMP)
“The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things [in daily life], and the God [who is the source] of peace and well-being will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9, AMP)
Those are only a few of the verses that speak to us about listening. But, they do indicate the importance. We need to be good listeners so that we hear all that is actually spoken (and don’t finish the sentence of the speaker for them in your minds). Can we develop a growing sensitivity to listening? Of course or we wouldn’t be asked to listen.
A different ‘spin’ on listening was provided by a friend of mine who recently wrote the following in his report about his trip to India:
“The universal language is listening, you don’t always have to know what they are saying to hear what people feel and need.”
Perhaps the final thought is remembering our own reaction to whether or not we think we are heard. When we are misquoted or not listened to, it’s difficult to have a positive reaction to our audience. Granted we have the responsibility to be clear in our communication… but don’t you know when you aren’t being listened to? Of course. Don’t be that kind of listener.
