This is going to sound harsh but I don’t know any other way to ask this question. Do you seek an encouraging word or are you more inclined to give an encouraging word?
They really are 2 different mindsets and also are both viable and necessary in our lives. We need encouraging words because this gives us an outside view/feedback on what we are doing and the impact it makes. A discouraging word helps here as well as long as we focus the words on what’s happening and not a rejection of ourselves. We do go there you know. And yes, that sometimes is precisely where we need to go. However, what I’m asking us to look at is not so much the ‘content’ or even the ‘context’ of encouraging words but our behavior.
Seeking an encouraging word is not a ‘bad’. Unless that’s all we do, trying to puff up our understanding of who we are in our world – that always seems to be disastrous and a bit lame. As a method of discovering how what we’re doing is seen and received – then as long as we don’t try and put a personal ego spin on it – a viable method. Though this may sound counterintuitive or just plain ‘wrong’… sometimes we need to look at our ‘how’ apart from who we are. The reason is that looking at our how tells us if we are acting on who we are and, if not, what we need to do to achieve a congruence. Always saying, ‘but that’s not what I meant’ does get old. If we want to display, share what we believe then it has to be demonstrated (our how). If what we are demonstrating is not what we believe then we need to stop and determine what message we need to present.
Leaving this part of the discussion for a moment. Do you give others encouraging words? Is speaking the truth in love a behavior you display? I think my Mom was the greatest cheerleader ever. If I wanted to do something, non harmful, we typically would take a moment to discuss it and try to discover the pluses and minuses and then she would typically say – well, if you want to try it just remember that anything you do that is worth doing… is worth doing well. Which was translated into, if I’m not ready to give (fill in the blank) my ‘all’ then don’t go there.
Encouraging words, my definition of speaking the truth in love, can be a wonderful opportunity to speak into another’s life. But it has to be truth and it is always more understandable if related to the other person’s current behavior or words so they see what you’re saying and isn’t just a generalization. The giver of encouraging words has to be seen as believable and consistent with their own behavior. Quick example: if what I’m sharing seems to be only complementary I typically say that I don’t give compliments readily so if I didn’t believe what I was saying, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s true and the type of behavior that is consistent with my character. Bottom line is that there has to be truth in the encouraging word. It also relates to how you receive an encouraging word.
“…and let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds, not forsaking our meeting together [as believers for worship and instruction], as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more [faithfully] as you see the day [of Christ’s return] approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-26, AMP)
