I could just as easily said ‘rep’ as ‘rap’ – both are true. We definitely don’t want to hear it from others… we also cringe at having to say it ourselves (especially if we are the people pleasing types). It’s just not a word to say ‘in polite society’. Why? Most of the time ‘no’ is the most honest comment that we can hear and say. No ends the discussion, nothing needs to be said/done once it’s uttered. However, most of us feel the need to ‘explain’ (sometimes defined as providing an excuse). I do believe that it is nearly as hard to hear no as it is to speak it.
However, look at a small child just beginning to walk and talk. What is the first word, after ‘mine’, they say? Yep… ‘no’. And why is this? Because that often is the word they hear the most often (positively as well as unexplained negatively). What if it a family member or your boss that asks something that you need to say no to – how comfortable are you then? While I may be writing this slightly tongue in cheek… no need to, No is a fact. And should always be accepted in the manner it was given.
Granted, there are times when our ‘no’ is then accompanied by our reason. But never give a reason if there’s no need – too often that comes off as an excuse and inevitably – lame. Could it, perhaps, be that other’s reaction to our ‘no’ reflects on our character? That we don’t stand behind our own no? That eventually we will capitulate and say yes?
No should never be casually or cavalierly stated. You do need, if for no one else than yourself, to know your why behind the no (whether or not there is a need to share it). And, I hasten to add – the same goes for your ‘yes’! Scripture speaks to this when it says in Matthew 5:33-37 MSG
“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.”
How’s that for putting a period? Bottom line seems to be – are you a person of your word? Do you have the reputation with others that you stand by what you say? You do know you can change your mind, but you better have an excellent reason to do so and that you inform all those affected by your decision. No and Yes are important words, But also – you need to act on, stand by your answer.
