to yourself. Do you? Are you surprised by what you hear? Do you believe what you are saying? Those are only the obvious questions that spring to mind when you think about, focus on what it is YOU hear from what you say. Not a new thought and maybe not as important as I think it is or as unimportant as you might practice.
I know I’ve caught myself saying to myself – did I really say that!?! But did the listener(s) hear what I meant? The answer to this last question is probably a big – not. Part of the problem is we use words expecting the listener to understand our definition regardless of how it may be understood. I’ve watched others in a heated discussion (argument) and realizing that what’s being discussed is really the same thing just using different words but no one is stopping long enough to listen to both themselves and the other person.
Another side to this is not realizing, even when understood, that the other person could be deeply hurt by the words when that wasn’t the intent. Especially in heated ‘discussions’ we need to take the time to listen to ourselves, to the other person (s) and to how the words may affect them and your relationship. Even we who think we are good listeners may not spend any time listening to ourselves.
“He who answers before he hears [the facts]— It is folly and shame to him.” [Proverbs 18:13]
And Proverbs 18:2 says:
“A [closed-minded] fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his personal opinions [unwittingly displaying his self-indulgence and his stupidity].”
If ever there was the suggestion that we stop before responding these 2 verses give us 2 different but supporting reasons. I would suggest that the stopping gives us a moment to reflect on what we actually heard. It may be a difference in definitions… it may be precisely what we heard but the point is – have we heard what was said (whether that was us speaking or the other person). It is also a time to verify – to ask a question to determine if we have in fact heard what was said (we or the other’s words).
We can take as our guide Proverbs 4:23 because this is the foundation for all our words. Will we see the power of listening – to ourselves as well as the other person? Will we understand the basis for our communication?
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”
Never let your words flow from haste, from assumptions and this begins in our listening.
