Coming in second. Is there a worse feeling? Granted it depends… on your level of competitiveness, on the ‘prize’, if there is any reward for coming in second, and if you felt it was a fair contest. But it still remains that you have to deal with everything that accompanies being second – especially your feelings about yourself. And never forget that you will be watched by others as to how you handle not winning.
Being highly competitive really places an extra burden when it comes to not winning. I should know. This definitely described me, especially my school years. I have to acknowledge that this did not emanate from my parents, their mantra was always – do the best you can, that’s all that can be expected or wanted. However, I was never particularly happy unless I was ‘winning’, especially in intellectual pursuits. Not sure why. Was it the ‘prize’, even if that was only an acknowledgement and not a trophy? Was it the accolade? And yet, none of those were the reasons. I think it was that I thought I should win because I worked for it.
No, I wasn’t a sore loser – I was more irritated with myself. It did become a stimulus to work harder and that’s a positive – it became an impetus. The only time this isn’t ‘good’ is when it adds stress to one’s life. I don’t really think I got into the stress thing. The point remains that HOW one responds to not winning is a measure of our character. My belief is that at the end of the day, regardless of what has happened, it always is our character that remains.
Second is only ‘bad’ when we really haven’t done all we could, regardless of the prize. Actually what can be really uncomfortable is when we haven’t done our best and we actually win – it seems ‘false’ or deceptive to accept any prize. Second should be viewed as: it really isn’t possible to be-first-in-all-things-at-all-times-and-‘against’-all-comers. IF you are competing against yourself and your previous attainment, then the mindset is different and coming in second is with yourself.
