Whenever you hear those words – run! OK, maybe that is a bit of an over reaction, but when you haven’t sought someone’s opinion and they are offering it – maybe not. Question though is – do you do this? Especially with your family and friends? Most people are quick to offer advice and give their opinion and most are equally quick to not accept unsolicited opinion. Does this describe you?
One of the most important, in my opinion, lessons I learned about giving opinions or advice is that, unsolicited, it rarely is accepted. The lesson that I learned quite early was that until the other person had their ‘air time’ they really weren’t open to hearing what you might say. Always make certain that the other person has had the opportunity to express everything they need to say before responding. One of my ‘tools’ in my endeavor to make certain this happens is to ask questions before commenting. From a slightly different perspective, I think this also birthed my attitude that says that if you don’t want my opinion, don’t ask since I really don’t like to be only a rubber stamp.
How do you ‘accept’ someone’s opinion, regardless if it is asked or simply offered? Do you take offense? Accept? I suspect that my reaction is not all that different from others and when people begin to provide me with their opinion, requested or not, I need to feel that they actually know what they are talking about and that they have an understanding of (fill in the blank). Relationship is a key ingredient and is close to being the primary basis on which another person’s opinion is heard and accepted. Is the person offering opinion someone I know, respect, and will listen to? If so then I will probably give a greater value to what is said.
Quite honestly the phrase, ‘What I’d do…’ is often just another way of saying, ‘In my opinion…’ and my reaction is stoic, at best. Again, the point, for me, is whether or not I can trust what the other person is saying and that comes through relationship experience. But, do you know how you react? Do you accept whatever is offered or are you a ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater’ type? It is hard, when it is unsolicited input, to not become irritated at the interruption.
I also find that my reaction is often ‘filtered’ by the way in which the opinion is expressed. Never talk down to the person who is listening to your opinion, that is rude in the extreme and extremely denigrating. If you really believe ‘your opinion’ then you need to speak in a manner that says you value the person you are speaking with and what it is you are saying. Your opinion may be very important, but unless you present it in a manner that allows the other person to hear what you say and then apply it in their style… nothing is heard.
