I never heard that word until I was wandering through the internet. In this case, wandering meant with no discernible purpose… just seeing what might be ‘there’. And there the word was. It was indicating a mindset that allows you to ‘make mistakes’ and not continue to hit yourself over the head with ‘errors’. (Yes… there were a lot of ‘ ‘ in this introduction.) The point of the article was that those with a high degree of self-compassion move on and vow not make the same mistake again. The other point is that if you lack self-compassion you need to work on forgiving yourself because you typically continue the behavior that caused the ‘mistake’.
What I saw in the definition were two important concepts: ‘move on’ and vow. I have discussed move on innumerable times and in innumerable ways because I tend to believe that a lack of accepting and moving on is one of our greatest inhibitors in personal growth. There are, obviously, multiple concepts that impinge on our moving on ability. One of the greatest is a lack of forgiveness when we do make mistakes. However, we waste so much energy and time when we aren’t willing to forgive. And no, I don’t mean that we shouldn’t acknowledge our error or make light of it. But it happened! We can’t undo it… so what is the best response to this?
The second important concept in this mindset is the response – vow. Webster defines vow as: “a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment … resolve solemnly to do, make, give, observe” (one could also add ‘not do’ the negative) An even stronger statement is that a vow is a covenant and dedication. Reality says that we also acknowledge that we may err again but the point is the seriousness of our response. You have to be willing to attempt to not repeat the behavior. And when or if the behavior is repeated that you begin again. This last point may be the most important because we often do repeat and then see ourselves as helpless rather than using it as a recommitment.
Self-compassion is really a critical component in our mindset, our frame of reference. Without it we could too easily simply give up and giving up on ourselves is a form of suicide. Not physical suicide but Webster indicates that this word means: “destruction of one’s own interests or prospects”. If that sounds overly dramatic… it really isn’t. One can continue to breathe in and out and be walking compassionless, which is a form of lifelessness (my definition). An additional problem is that when we can’t/won/t walk in self-compassion we typically won’t extend compassion to others.
