How do you ‘handle’ it, when you are the one hurt? Granted that the type and who of the hurt-er does make a difference. But the point is – what do you do with those feelings? Denying and/or ignoring what you feel never works. And it doesn’t make any difference if your feelings are ‘accurate’ or realistic (whatever that may mean). What you feel is what you feel! This gives us our first clue as to what we need to do first when we feel this way.
First thing is to acknowledge how you feel! No rationalizing or attempting to ‘explain’ it or adding guilt to your situation because you feel the way you do – own it, it really doesn’t need to make sense! If you don’t acknowledge your feelings and instead attempt to push those feelings down, they will inevitably have their expression. Unfortunately, the pushed down expression typically expresses itself at an inappropriate time and directed at anyone handy… rarely the person causing your feelings.
But don’t stay there. That’s the important point. If you need to wallow for a bit, do it (preferably by yourself) but then move on. And part of the ‘move on’ definition is to not seek revenge. Don’t punish the person causing your hurt. It is very tempting but you’ll only exasperate the situation and typically experience the negative impact from your (self-protective?) behavior. What you need to be acutely aware of is that the situation isn’t only between you and the person causing your feelings. We all live in a kind of glass bowl and others are always watching us and how we respond and react. How you handle your hurt will be a model for others, whether or not you realize and/or care.
To be hurt seems to be the ‘fate’ of everyone at some time. How we handle the hurt marks who we are, and that is no small matter. Our attitude and subsequent actions speak volumes. Lashing back never is an effective response and certainly doesn’t speak of a person who is able to rise above… at least publicly. In the last analysis, I think that the point is that we can be hurt but we don’t have to live there. We really can overcome and not be overcome and incapacitated.
