If you hear that phrase…watch out! Typically the speaker always follows that opening with…’but’. This can be translated as – but I don’t think so, and then proceed immediately to give you their opinion on (fill in the blank). Do you do this? Probably. I know I do but follow the phrase with, but I’m not. But the crucial point is how we, the listener, choose to react to the phrase. We can accept it. Reject it. Both are done without much thought but also with no intention of following the advice. However, it is worth listening to and adding to your decision options.
Personally, I only give a grain of salt value when I hear this phrase. It really is a kind of providing an excuse before potential ill thought out advice is given. Bottom line is that the phrase is letting the listener know that it is opinion only – if it were fact or truth then the phrase wouldn’t be needed. Yes? But what about when we use the phrase? What is our motivation and what is our value on what we say? Yep… the same. Actually this phrase can be helpful for our categorizing because we already know it’s opinion and thus the speaker’s best guess answer.
Why do we use this phrase? Answered – because we really want to be able to offer our thoughts and yet not be held liable if we’re wrong. Cowardly? No, I don’t think so. Since everyone tends to have the same regard for the words that come after that phrase then no one is held accountable and it is heard and accepted for what it is. Our personal preference. Problems arise if, when we use the phrase and then provide our thoughts, and then expect the listener to follow our preference. My bias is that if you really want to give weight to what you say then you need to acknowledge this with the phrase: ‘I believe you should (fill in the blank)’ and then be willing to own up to any consequences from your advice. Granted it is always the other person’s decision to follow what you suggested, but you do have some responsibility.
But what do YOU do when you hear the phrase? Do what I initially suggested and simply add it as one more piece in your information cache on which to make your best decision? My suggestion would be to never simply disregard their opinion but certainly, regardless of the status of the person offering, do not follow it unthinkingly. Then again, I may be wrong…
