No, I mean Listen – with a capital ‘L’ not the small ‘l’. I think listening is an acquired art and it is an art to be learned. To listen you must take the time to learn the components of listening. This requires watching as much as listening. Hearing the words that are used and the choices made in word usage. However, it primarily means being more interested in the speaker than in yourself. Everyone has a story to tell, an opinion to share, a question to ask – but do you listen?
I’ve always believed that most people are more interested in framing a response to what’s being said before the speaker finishes. If you believe I’m being too harsh then I ask you – how many times do you hear the ‘listener’ respond nearly immediately to what the speaker said? ‘Immediately’ is the point. How often is there a pause as the listener contemplates what was said before responding? And equally important, how often does the response acknowledge the entire message the speaker presented rather than only a part of the message?
Whether or not you realize it, listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. It’s critical, in listening, to never assume. Never assume the speaker actually knows what they are saying. Never assume the words used hold the same definitions as what you may think. And never take offense at what’s said – it may not be meant in the way you think.
Listening’s greatest tool is asking questions. Actually the point in all this is to ask questions, ask the speaker to define their words. Questions accomplishes two things: one, it lets the speaker know that you actually are listening to what they are saying and two, it helps them to refine their thinking and in some cases, rethink their thinking. If you are saying, ‘yes, yes, yes’ I know all that… then maybe the question should be – what do you hear? Do you hear what’s being said? What you think? Or… perhaps, your hearing allows you to interact with the speaking.
… but what do you think? what do you believe?
