Do you remember the last time you were involved with a conversation that was truly ‘involving’? That both you and the other person(s) were sharing and discussing a subject that brought further clarity or a new approach in thinking? How exhilarating, how energizing! How infrequent. Perhaps I’m just in my ‘anti small talk’ mood but I find that many of the conversations of late were neither exhilarating nor brought clarity – mundane more clearly describes.
I’ve never been good at small talk – it tends to bore me. I’m not a fun person to be around when I’m impatient. And yet… that’s not really fair because I’m ‘judging’ based on my frame of reference, my biases. What may seem boring to me may be of the utmost interest to someone else. I have no doubt that the opposite is also true. Typically you can discern quickly if the other person is involved in the discussion or not. Eye contact, for me, is one of the first and best indicators. Ultimately, I think the issue is – engaged.
And… engaged really is a choice. So what do you do when you find yourself in a conversation that is totally uninteresting to you? You have a variety of choices all the way from extremely rude to dismissive to actually attempting to find ‘value’ in the discussion. Focus here is of great benefit if you are interested in maintaining a somewhat civil relationship. Nothing hurts quite so much as being ignored or patronized by someone you value. And ‘being honest’ is not an escape.
I truly enjoy dialogue, the exchange of thoughts and ideas and hypotheses… all that is quite stimulating (my definitions). Over the years I’ve learned ways to gently extricate myself from those situations that I find less than involving. Or at least I think I have. My point is – if I’m going to be involved in a discussion then for the conversation to continue, for me, it has to be… engaging (my definition).
