Whether it’s your feet or someone who you esteemed highly, discovering feet of clay is most disheartening. Much of the subsequent reaction is based on: the validity that it is clay, whether or not there is knowledge by the person and an apology or if it’s an unknown, and, if acknowledged, whether ‘restitution’ is made. But how do you make restitution to feelings? The problem is not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Simply put – everyone has feet of clay because we all make mistakes – deliberately and unknowingly.
Part of the problem is even putting someone on a pedestal in the first place. Pedestals are high and unstable and whoever is on one will eventually fall. And… they may not even be aware they are on a pedestal and/or that they just fell. Or maybe it was a moment of weakness on their part. Or… The same also holds for you, because falling really is inevitable. Surprise seems to be the emotion that’s most expressed. The only way anyone becomes aware is when they sense a change in the relationship.
When clay is detected then dealing with this is typically anti productive. Not just ‘un’, ‘anti’. We want the clay footed person to suffer. Be honest… you may not say that but your feelings have been hurt so you want the other person to feel hurt. While this may be understandable, it never works. You need to discover for yourself if the relationship is worth salvaging and, if so, on what basis are you going to develop a new one.
Pedestals are for putting flowers or inanimate objects on – not people. When it’s people one always ends up skinning one’s nose or knees – it’s never a pretty sight. If you become aware that you are doing this or that this is happening to you – stop and talk to the people involved and then, presupposing the relationship is valued, start anew.
