Feel may be the operative word but fact also needs to play a role. Was he/she/it right – did you do or not do something you should/shouldn’t? Were you ‘guilty’? I’m sure we all have used this phrase before however the word, feel, is the critical consideration. Feel does not necessarily mean fact. You do need to look at fact to see if guilty is the proper designation. Do you ever ask yourself if you should feel guilty?
Feeling guilty is a great controller and we tend to accept the guilt without analysis because it often is used, knowingly or not, by someone we allow in to our lives. For years mothers have been accused of using this tactic – rather successfully. If it wasn’t someone in your inner circle then it’s unlikely, guilty or not, that someone else could effect this feeling. Yes? And, let’s face it, we, knowingly or not, also do this to others.
It’s important to recognize the fact that if we’re feeling guilty there might be a reason – somewhat like the ‘smoking gun’ theory. Then we have the problem of the expression of guilty feelings. So what’s your reaction to feeling guilty? Anger? Chagrin? Contrition? Desire to make restitution? And, was this the purpose in the first place – to evoke a reaction?
Bottom line is… no one can make you feel guilty. No one can make you feel anything. Feelings are your choices, and you choose how you react to your feelings, how to express them. Feelings also give us a plethora of information on ourselves…. if we choose to learn about us. And, I believe, this is one of the primary reasons for learning about feelings – understanding ourselves.
