Have you ever thought that the best gift you can give to another person is you Listening? But this is a very special kind of listening. The Listening I am talking about is define by: full and complete attention to what the other person is saying, listening by asking them questions on what they are saying, clarifying so you know their definitions, frame of reference which may not be yours. Not assuming their why but genuinely attempting to understand. Those are the visible behaviors that you are Listening.
The purpose in doing this is for you but it also serves at least 2 for the speaker. I believe that people need to feel that they have been heard. This is a kind of affirmation and valuing. Also people rarely will consider an idea, disagreement, difference, etc.until they have had the opportunity to feel they have ‘had their say’. The other purpose is that they can also listen to what they are saying. I believe we have less ‘that’s not what I meant’ or other misunderstandings when we actually do say what we think we are meaning.
It truly isn’t all that difficult to Listen. Yes, it does take concentration… and not assuming what they are going to say next… or devising your response. When you take the time to listen, your focus is on the other person… not on yourself. And as ‘simple’ as this may sound, it is quite difficult to accomplish. This is because much of conversation is really debate. Think about it. Do you automatically assume you will agree with the speaker? Unless it is a friend of long standing, if we’re honest – probably not. Not criticism… reality. Because we too want to feel our views are honored and listened to.
If your goal is you and your thoughts and opinions, you will undoubtedly have misunderstandings if you act on what you think you heard. We don’t always have the same definitions and until we are ‘on the same page’ we really don’t operate from a point of agreement and mutual understanding. And yes, your opinions should be heard. Sometimes it’s in your how of presenting them. If your stance is argumentative, you may not be heard.
Communication is really all it’s cracked up to be. It can be the source of new learnings and understandings or the foundation to a successful end to the project. And yes… it does depend on you. Don’t assume you will be heard. Don’t assume you have the best mousetrap. Look for collaboration. Even if you aren’t heard… you Listen. Then after you have, you can present your thoughts… because now, they may also be heard.
