Personally, I’m always leery of an unsolicited ‘compliment’, since 9 times out of 10 ‘but’ follows the compliment. Not sure why this is done because most people realize that a ‘but’ will be following and the words are nearly always a criticism or correction. Corrections are always a positive in my world because the intent is (My) improvement. However, criticism… not so much.
Are you the type that tries to ‘soften the blow’ of criticism by starting out with a compliment? If you do, you might want to reconsider. Everyone needs to hear ‘unblemished’ compliments that are true and related to something they did or said – preferably soon after the action/words because now there’s a context for the compliment. People need to feel valued, that what they do and say is seen/heard and appreciated. ‘Outta the blue’ compliments are never trusted because they typically come with the ‘but’. Just for curiosity sake, if you precede a correction or criticism with a compliment do you think the other person will accept the latter easier? Rarely. Simply remember your own reactions in these situations.
And there is enormous differences between correction and criticism. Webster, says that correction: “…a change that makes something right, true, accurate.” One definition says that it is, “a bringing into conformity with a standard”. The definition of criticism: “…the act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing; a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of…” Obviously, two different contexts and desired ends. I’ve never been too certain of what the goal of criticism is, then again… I rarely enjoy criticism, which often is expressed in front of others.
Correction is usually prefaced with either a question (can you explain why you said/did – fill in the blank). This way the person who is asking understands your why. These are times that I call ‘object lesson’ teaching opportunities. The person being corrected then can learn rather than feeling defensive. The positive end result of a more effective person and goal accomplishment can occur. When you give or receive compliments – drop the ‘but’, don’t couple correction with an attempt to ‘smooth over’ your comments. There should always be a purpose to your correction and not merely ‘my way or the highway’. In asking questions, you too may discover new options.
