Do you? Do you have a internal mental ‘scoreboard’ of what you’ve done for others and what ‘they owe you’? You probably wouldn’t have said it as crass as I wrote, but it doesn’t make any difference – do you feel that you are owed? Whether covertly or surreptitiously, do you make certain that Person A realizes what you did/said/gave to them long after the act with the implication of how you went out of your way for them?
I suspect that the real question is why? Why does your every word and deed come with an attendant quid pro quo? And before you quickly exclaim that this is not who you are or what you do… I’m not accusing, I’m asking. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of our unspoken and unthought out words and actions. Keeping score is a behavior that can be insidious because of it’s ‘invisibility’.
Expectations can fall into this trap. We ‘expect’ from Person A and if this doesn’t materialize then we are ‘put out’. Did Person A even know there was an unspoken expectation (or ‘condition’ on your help)?
“Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves
another has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 8:13)
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a
neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” (v 9-10)
Perhaps it is our perception of love and what we believe about how we speak and act on this. Romans has spoken about our mindset. There are other scriptures that give us directions about loving such as Ephesians 4:2, 1Peter 4:8, John 15:13, 1John 3:16-18. The point is that if our action stem from a loving mindset, we don’t ‘expect’. Possible?
To not keep score will require a change of thought, a paradigm shift in our mindset. If you can visualize then look at your words, actions, assists as given with an open hand – expecting nothing in return. When or if there is a ‘return’ never expect it to be in like or kind. Let the person responding to you give in their manner and you will find yourself blessed in a very special (and unexpected) way.
