No matter how you consider ‘convicted’, it comes from within… not from without (except for a court of law). You always know. I remember I used to get highly annoyed at, in my opinion, the implication that I wasn’t a Christian. And came close to being incensed that anyone could accuse (?), question (?), ask (?) me about the Lord. Actually, I think I was uncomfortable and it manifested itself in anger, because I was – uncomfortable and angry. You can probably read negative reactions of guilt or conviction most often expressed in anger.
Goodness, I can’t remember a time I wasn’t a (denomination) I was even confirmed! But though I did emphatically state this, I also knew something was missing. The hole in me was widening and not closing. It really makes no difference what one’s ‘condition’ according to the world is, when you have a spiritual hole, you aren’t whole. I had been searching for years – it wasn’t that I wasn’t looking. And then a very simple ‘thing’ happened… I discovered that it wasn’t ‘religion’ or denominations – it was relationship! A very specific relationship. How did I miss this?
The God of the Universe was asking ME (as He does all of us: Acts 4:12, Philippians 2:9-11, 2 Corinthians 6:2 among others ) – what was I doing about Jesus! To be honest… I really didn’t know what to do about Jesus. It wasn’t that I did or had denied Who He was, What He did – I just didn’t know what to do about Him or what that meant for/to me. If I would admit it, I was embarrassed about me when I considered all He did and what I did. It wasn’t that I was particularly a ‘bad’ person – really not the point. Didn’t matter to Him but it took me awhile to realize this. I had always been an action to prove words type and, though it wasn’t a question of ‘if’, ‘how’ and ‘what’ did I do about Him was definitely the question.
Were my feelings, conviction? Oh yes. Was there a simple recourse? Depends on how you define ‘simple’ but if it includes going your own way and doing your own thing, then absolutely difficult, verging on impossible. My discovery was that Jesus doesn’t want a part of us. He really doesn’t seem particularly interested in what we accomplish according to the world. Jesus was and is interested in relationship so that He can assist us to live a full, fruitful, and abundant life. One’s ultimate destination is also involved.
Jesus is always willing to exchange our sinful status for one of adoption into the Family of God. What a trade off! I couldn’t understand why He was willing to do this, but that really isn’t the point either – He does, He does. My definition of conviction has changed from the sentence handed down by the court because of my misdemeanor (calling a spade a spade, my sin) to certitude, confidence, assurance that Jesus has provided a way into fellowship with the Triune God and adoption by Him into a new life. Convicted? Absolutely!
