To dismiss what you are feeling as… it’s only a feeling, diminishes the words only. It never touches the reality of the feeling. First and foremost: it is OK to feel what you are feeling. It is not OK to blame others for your what/how/why feelings. The feelings are yours. And it is not OK to stay in the feeling and wallow.
That said, feelings are far more powerful and pervasive than a momentary, fleeting… feeling. How you are feeling this precise moment colors how you see this precise moment. And to not allow expression of the feeling never works. Disguising how you feel doesn’t work either. In both cases, if you push the feeling down it seems to seep out the edges and make itself known – often with destructive results.
So what are you to do about feelings? Own them. And after a short period of time, analyze them: what caused the feeling, what caused the feeling in the past, how do you cope with the feeling, how do you move beyond the feeling, who caused the feeling – you and/or your reaction and to what or another person, when did you become aware of the feeling, etc. Does this diminish the feeling? Absolutely not – but it identifies it and in that process lessens its control.
Feeling do control us – whether or not we acknowledge this. One question is: not if, but how do they then dictate our behavior? This really becomes the overriding issue – our behavior. How do we express our feelings without being controlled by them? How/what you feel is really more that just a feeling……….
