Would you describe yourself as shy? Is ‘shy’ a negative? Does this upset you? Obvious answer… it depends. Personally I’ve always felt that the shy (other person) is worth the effort to get to know. Perhaps it’s because I tend toward the ‘shy’ myself. But shy can be expressed in a variety of ways. Being introverted is one way. With these types you have to be patient and take the time to get to know them … but you have to do this on their terms. Is it worth it to you? For far too many… they don’t take the time and that is their loss. Read that last line again if you are the shy type… those who don’t take the time to try and know you… it is their loss. But you will need to meet them somewhere on that continuum.
Another expression of shy is to take the ‘offensive’. The person who is apparently outgoing may really not be. They may simply be defining their world and controlling who, what, and when to be involved. Those who initiate the contact, do they focus on themselves or the other person? If they are not engaged in a ‘give and take’ communication they may be deflecting any indication of who they are. This is especially evident when they don’t really respond to what is being said but at the same time don’t really share their thoughts.
My version of ‘shy’ is to be intentional about all communication with the other person – encouraging and allowing them to express themselves. I believe I’m a good listener and I also believe that, for the most part, people don’t feel they are heard – that’s my initial response to allow them the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts. While it may sound altruistic, my point is to allow them to, nonjudgmental, express themselves. And then to respond to what they say, typically with a question rather than to state my beliefs. And no, that is not a non-transparent response.
Shy really can be either a proactive or nonreactive approach to other people. Personally I find people a joy and fascination so I would recommend the proactive approach. You can use ‘shy’ as an excuse to keep yourself from people – that accomplishes only a lonely condition. The other approach is to meet them and discover who they are… where they are. Then you have the option of how much of you that you are willing to share. Question though – what are you afraid of? If you are comfortable and confident in who you are… you should be willing to share you. Yes? And if you aren’t the shy type… don’t underestimate those who are.
