What are yours like? Mixed message? Terse, to the point of sparing detail so it’s impossible to really have a sense of the communication? Detailed, to the point that so much information is given that the thread is lost? Clear and concise with sufficient information that the salient questions can be asked and answered? It isn’t always that you have been unclear, it may be that the listener hasn’t heard what you thought you said.
Whenever you hear someone, or yourself, saying: “What I meant was…” or “My intentions were…” you’ve had an unclear message. If you do this a great deal then you need to revisit your mode of communicating. Do notice the disclaimer – it is always in the past (was, were). Are you attempting to provide yourself with an excuse or did you truly mis-communicate? However – this is not necessarily a ‘your fault/my fault’ situation. If the goal is an understood message then this is the issue that needs to be addressed.
The speaker needs to always remember that what may seem logical and clear to them may not be true for the listener. Attempting to discover if the listener has understood should be a goal. And sometimes it isn’t that you need to give further information – what you need to know is what the listener has heard. From that basis you can enhance understanding. However, simply asking if they understand is not the best method to know if they heard what you said.
As a listener, don’t assume you heard what was said. Too often this is the case and time, energy, and other resources are wasted. A listener has as much responsibility as a speaker when it comes to understanding messages. Asking for clarity or asking questions or phrasing what was said in your own frame of reference are possible methods to verify understanding. The message is the focus and both parties should be certain that the message spoken is the one that is heard.
…but, what do you think?
