I don’t know about you but I find it very difficult to forgive myself when I’ve done something stupid or hurtful to another. It really isn’t all that difficult to go to that person and ask for their forgiveness, whether or not they give it, but I find it incredibly difficult to forgive myself.
Actually, while the other’s forgiveness is freeing, it really doesn’t impact on self forgiveness. And rehearsing what you coulda/shoulda done will not undo what you did. And, once you’ve asked for forgiveness, you need to forgive yourself or your relationship with that person will suffer.
I tend to hit myself over the head with what I’ve done/said…. repeatedly. As much as I’d like to not acknowledge this, it is true. It’s considerably easier when the issue is omission than when it’s commission. If it’s something I haven’t said or done, this is more quickly dispensed with. But when it’s something I’ve done – not. However, I suspect it is even more important to forgive yourself in an act of commission because that really is the only way you will move on. And moving on is important.
I would contend that while previous behavior may be lurking in the background – that’s where it should stay: as a reminder to not repeat the behavior. But when it begins to interfere with what is currently going on, then it is crippling. And not forgiving yourself is crippling.
It really is cowardice to not forgive yourself. You can always use the shield of no behavior because you erred before. It takes courage to reach out again. It is never easy to forgive yourself, especially when you really feel badly about what you did/said. But if you truly seek forgiveness, then you really don’t have the option to wallow in self guilt – you have to move on.
