Does that sound as lame as it looks? Probably. But, like me, do you ever feel that way? Come on… be honest, you do. And the ‘not wanting to’ has absolutely nothing to do with the ‘activity’ or the people involved… it simply is that there are moments that whatever it is with whoever they are – you just don’t wanna! And whether or not you have a ‘good’ rationale (excuse) has nothing to do with the feeling. So what do you do in those times? You actually have only 1 of 2 choices, and you can’t pretend you haven’t heard. You either don’t or you do.
Some of the time I allow myself the luxury of declining – as graciously as I can. And then one of two things occurs. One: I feel guilty because my ‘excuse’, though true, sounds so very trite that it becomes one of those I-know-that-you-know-that-I-know-I’m-only-giving-an-excuse and I really could have been involved. The result is that the now ‘free’ time is totally tainted and impossible to enjoy. The other thing that can happen is: I find, later, that the activity really was terrific and I missed out on something very special or worthwhile. The result of this is a kind of flat taste in the mouth about what I did do.
Most of the time I ‘suck it up’ and do whatever it is. And many of the times I’m eventually glad that I did because I would have missed something quite… lovely. The few times that the activity is a dud doesn’t compare to the times of positive experiences. For me to enjoy this though does require a change in me. I find that in the midst of whatever I allowed myself to succumb to, can become a ‘positive’ only when I purposely change my attitude.
‘I don’t wanna!!!’ does need to be expressed and acknowledged or it will impact whatever decision you make. However, you don’t have to punish others in the process. Being a martyr won’t work either because this behavior always seeps out. What I typically try to do is to take some time with myself and pity party it and then move on… 5 minutes usually works. But then I try and enter in to whatever decision I make and not get into the ‘what if’.
Why even talk about this? Because it’s relevant to occasionally take a hard look at goals, plans, expectations, wants, don’t wants, attitudes. For me, I need my journey to be spiced with hopes and dreams and more I wanna’s than I don’t wanna’s. Primarily I’m raising this issue because it does relate to the Who you say your don’t wanna’s to.
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to follow Me [as My disciple], he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me]. For whoever wishes to save his life [in this world] will [eventually] lose it [through death], but whoever loses his life [in this world] for My sake will find it [that is, life with Me for all eternity]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success], but forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory and majesty of His Father with His angels, and then He will repay each one in accordance with what he has done. [Matthew 16:24-27, AMP]
Totally different context – yes. But we need to not do this when the Lord is the one asking us. Bottom line is that He is inviting us to partner with Him to touch lives. We need to remember that whatever He calls us to He will prepare and equip us for… and that it is an opportunity to be involved in a wonderfully fruitful opportunity. We need to say, as with Isaiah – ‘Here I am… send me.’ (6:8)
