I can’t listen and talk at the same time. I really don’t believe anyone can… except for that small percentage that can because they’re only listening to themselves. These people genuinely love to hear the sound of their own voice, though they would vociferously deny this. The ‘proof; is that sometimes their response has nothing to do with what’s being said because they were already deciding on what they were going to say so they didn’t really hear what the last part of the sentence was… sometimes, not even the first part.
Now you need to consider your messages. Do you want them to be heard? Or do you not care? If you care, then do you know your messages are heard? Are you aware of your audience? If your sentences are being incorrectly finished – how do you correct the error? Do you use questions????
Are you guilty of ineffective behavior? Do you want to change? If your responses are ‘Yes’ and ‘Yes’. You can change you but no one else really can. If you want to be a better listener in order to also be a better responder – then know that there is a remedy. It goes under the title of intentional and/or focused concentration. Take some time and watch your own typical behavior. Do you see a relationship between your response and what was said? Are you pleased with you?
I really don’t think there’s a quick ‘fix’ or the specifics are a ‘one size fits all’. One way to begin correcting is to not be the first to respond or give a quick response. And your response may be a question for clarification. Never assume you know what the speaker was saying or that you have the proper response. Questions can be a breathing time for understanding.
Another thing you can do is when the other person is speaking – look at them. Watch their body language which will give you different cues about what they are saying… and why. Not every speaker wants you (anyone) to fix anything, they simply need to be listened to. This intentionality will also reap rewards for you when you are the speaker – watch your audience. See if you can perceive their reactions and understandings. Do you need to say the same thing but with different words to help clarify?
Do you listen to you when you speak? You should. Hear what it is that you say so you can place yourself as a listener and know if you really are saying what you want others to hear. I realize that this last sentence seems counter intuitive and contradictory to what I said earlier. Not. Try it – you’ll see.
Have I said all this before? Oh yes. Repeating myself? It’s a message that needs hearing … a number of times, said in a number of ways. We don’t always realize that Listening is really the best way at all times. Listening can become our best method to talk.
