Sometimes those are hard words to say. This isn’t the glib, unthinking phrase that trips off the tongue, but the heartfelt statement based on the realization of what the ramifications were/are created for/on others from your words or actions. Never forget that your words are powerful and have even greater impact than you may imagine. Granted that I tend to believe that our actions do speak the loudest, but we can never underestimate the affect of our words.
In those cases where you really do need to apologize, sometimes just saying the words – I’m sorry – seem to stick in our throats. Why? Because we do see that our words did hurt or injure another? Did we say them intentionally? Doesn’t matter, unthinking words have the same affect as those deliberately said. Now we need to look at our motives. Why did we say (fill in the blank)? Did we want to hurt the other person? Do we delude ourselves into excusing the effect because that wasn’t really want we intended?
Remember when you were the ‘target’ of those kinds of words. Justified or not, how did you feel? If the ‘accusation’ was accurate, were you able to move beyond your feelings to address whatever needed to be examined? How did you feel toward the other person who said (fill in the blank)? Did they intend to help or hurt you? Regardless of what you believe was their motive, how did you respond to them?
If our message is what we want to be heard, then we really need to know ‘how’ what we say is heard. Right or wrong, if the other person took offense, will they hear? If there is a need to say, ‘I’m sorry…’ will you say it? Will you take the time to help the other person to focus on the message rather than their feelings? And… if you are wrong, you didn’t have the understanding, the other person didn’t… Now what?
‘I am so sorry…’ has a place in our behavior when it is what we truly need and will do. It may not be whatever reason is assumed, and you were not understood… what will you do? How important to your decision is you? And, what about the other person? What about the message? Finally – are you really sorry???
